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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079714">Professor Commander MadHomosapien</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirlofhp/pseuds/thefangirlofhp'>thefangirlofhp</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, F/M, Fluff and Humor</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 21:07:22</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,421</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24079714</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/thefangirlofhp/pseuds/thefangirlofhp</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Professor Commander Batshit Crazy Madwoman is actually married. </p><p>He knows that, knows technically that she's married from the ring on her hand that she sometimes wears on a chain around her neck but that she's actually married, with an actual, normal, real family and a life, shocks Brian more than he has the mental capacity to understand. A husband, and a little girl for a daughter. An offspring and a mate. </p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hange Zoë/Levi</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>8</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>113</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Professor Commander MadHomosapien</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p> </p><p></p><div>
  <p>The sudden car honk startles him</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Cursing colourfully under his breath, Brian jumps out of the way of the car lead by the incredulous driver who gives him a "What the fuck, man?" gesture to which Brian shrugs half-heartedly as he gathers the objects that tumbled from his arms, fingers scraping against the gravel of the ground as he desperately tries to scavenge his papers and pens quickly. He shouldn't have been walking in the middle of campus's street but he was too drowned in his thoughts to notice. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"The heck, man?" The driver steps out of his car to see what's holding him up. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Sorry, sorry!" He hurries out, reaching for a paper falling prey to the sudden whisp of wind and winces as it scrunches under his hands and he quickly jumps out of the way. "Sorry!" </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The driver, a student like him, shakes his head and drives off. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Brian grits his teeth as he fixes his possessions. His backpack split earlier and the zipper failed him so suddenly in the middle of the day, a few minutes ago his water bottle had spilt all over his papers, and now his research papers with the protruding red bold and soaked REJECTED were scrunched, sloppy, dirty and ripped. He wonders who had taken the time to curse him so. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Naturally he'd signed his own death by his hand, the moment he decided that scientific research was his thing and the moment he signed up in Sina University for it. It was his own undoing to be so whimsical and dreamy and unrealistic. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The source of his current and most recent (not so recent, the past two years) cursing, Professor Zoë, walks past him, calm and quiet as if they have absolutely no conscious of the wrongs they do to poor, overworked and hardworking people. Mainly him. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He has the sudden urge to go up to her and scream in her ear 'How can you sleep at night, you cruel monster?!' but thinks better of it. While Professor Zoë is harsh, insensitive and cruel, he reminds himself that she's in the military. A commander of the military. And she's absolutely off her rockers. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Still, the red REJECTED stings bitterly and his ruffled feathers protest alongside his ego. Making up his mind, Brian decides he'll just ask it in a simpler more refined way and worthy of scientific researches such as himself. Why?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He hurries up after her, one hand clasping his torn bag and the other arm curled and wound awkwardly around his possessions. She is quick in her walking and soon out of the University grounds. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Looking like he is definitely stalking her he hurries out too and comes to a halt when he can't catch sight of her. When he looks to his right, he sees her walking away with her back to him and she is decidedly quicker this time. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>After a moment's notice, he realises why. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Standing at the sidewalks of the street in the shade close to the university walls, is a man of dark hair and a pale complexion with a little girl on his hip. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Brian's lips part in slow shock as he watches Professor Zoë grin and wrap an arm around his shoulders and receive an actual kiss on the cheek from the shorter man as she rubs the girl's head and gets a squeal in return. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Professor Commander Batshit Crazy Madwoman is actually married. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He knows that, knows technically that she's married from the ring on her hand that she sometimes wears on a chain round her neck but that she's actually married, with an actual, normal, real family and a life, shocks Brian more than he has the mental capacity to understand. A husband, and a little girl for a daughter. An offspring and a mate. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>A mate who seemingly is smitten with her, by the soft look on his face and the offer to carry her messenger bag as she takes the little girl from him who grabs at her hair, with the words "Mama" tumbling from her lips.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He's absolutely shocked.  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>And then, impossibly so when he looks at the mate again, he's even more shocked. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>
    <em>It's fucking Levi of the Scouts. </em>
  </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Now he isn't a man too caught up with the social gossip of who is who, and who did what and the whole heriarchy of their animal kingdom but he would have to live under a rock to not know who Levi of the Scouts is. He has a hypothesis that even the insects know the man, but it's just a thought. The man is more recognisable and famous than The Queen, and it was a testament to how shocked Brian thought he was earlier to not have recognized him immediately. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Normal life, huh. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Quietly, he walks to the nearest bin, two feet away from him and promptly dumps all the papers in his hand in the bin and the sound alerts the small family to his presence as he turns and walks away. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Brian?" Professor Commander Batshit Crazy Madwoman calls. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>She knows him. That's another shocker. First name, too?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He turns to see them looking at him, and feels incredibly small and vulnerable all of a sudden. He won't be surprised if the kid sprouts sudden bodybuilding muscles and pounds him to the ground. He's painfully reminded that the two adults facing him are on top of military command and can bury him ten feet under the ground while discussing what's for dinner. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The thought makes him mentally snort. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yes, Professor?" He steps closer.</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I saw your proposal," she smiles at him, rubbing salt in his deep wounds. "I really, really liked it. It's about time I've found someone who thinks that way. I can't wait to get started."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>....huh?</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Sorry?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>The kid in her arms fusses now, bored with the lack of attention from any parent and whines loudly. Levi takes her, like a fussing mother hen and smooths a hand over her back while she starts fidgeting with something around his neck. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Your research proposal," repeats Professor Zoe. "The one about the preservation of titan remains. I've been thinking about it for years, but I hadn't the help to work on it. Would you like to discuss the details over dinner? Levi's making some fish tonight. I'm afraid my schedule is extremely full for the time being and I'd like to begin it as soon as possible if you agree."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"But..." His mouth feels slack. "You.. rejected it."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Huh?" It is her turn to look bemused, and even Levi furrows his brow. "No no. I specifically approved it. I wouldn't stop talking about it, ask Levi."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Did you mix it up with something else?" Levi asks in a quiet voice. "Wouldn't be the first time you did it."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"What?!" She demands, her voice terrified. "No, no, no. I specifically told Moblit to have it approved."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Moblit is incredibly reliable," Levi rolls his eyes sarcastically. "I keep telling you to give him time off. He's putting pants on backwards now because of you."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Huh?!"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"I- I just threw them away..." Brian speaks up in a small voice. Her eyes swivel to him and they bulge so wide. "Got ruined and... Rejected."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"No," she buries her face in her hands and moans the word. The girl stares at her mother curiously and looks up at her father. "That's the only copy I have."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Bormal, daddy?" She asks. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"She certainly is," agrees Levi. "Fortunately, because I have the common sense God gave a hen, unlike you, I had another copy made. You're always loosing and throwing away things."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>Brian feels the sun shine through the gloomy clouds and smile down at him. Professor Zoë eagerly looks up. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Really, Levi?"</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Yeah. I got worried Leelu would ruin it, so there's another one back home and an electronic one."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>So Levi was not only a Saviour of Humanity but of research proposals as well. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"So dinner tonight?" He looks at Brian. He has the quiet and strong voice of the man he's rumoured to be but what Brian is seeing is dislodging cogs in his brain. "Six pm. I'll send you the address."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He finds his numb lips moving wordlessly and then he shuts his mouth with what remaining dignity he has left and nods. "Thank you, sir."</p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>"Well, see you tonight then, Brian!" Professor Zoë waves to him as the family walks away and he finds himself numbly waving back in response. </p>
</div><div>
  <p> </p>
</div><div>
  <p>He gives up on the world. </p>
</div>
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